The language of dance

Okay, so I need some language lessons, stat! To me the language of dance is just as mystifying as a foreign language – perhaps even more so, because I’ve taken linguistics courses and understand the basic structure of spoken and written language in general.

First of all, there’s the basic moves. I love choreographed dances where there’s a routine for me to follow. But free-style...??? Other than a basic shuffle left and right, I don’t seem to even have a vocabulary to build from. And the words I do know – grapevine, rock, hitch, etc. – don’t seem to be used on this kind of dancefloor. The repetitive rhythm of the music that is typically played ends up feeling like the same word or phrase being repeated over and over again, and yet people seem to be able to translate it into a variety of movements.

But more than that, the language of the interaction between people baffles me. Sometimes they are communicating fun, sometimes friendship, sometimes drunkenness, sometimes attraction, and sometimes blatant sexuality. Not knowing what moves communicate what, I feel like I’m in a foreign country, afraid to try any words in that land’s language for fear that I’ll string them together wrong and say something stupid or offensive.

When learning a language, one generally looks for patterns, for the same groupings of sounds to repeated in some circumstances but not others. But on the dance floor, it all seems to get mixed up. Sometimes couples dance sexy together, but sometimes friends do to. Or sometimes, partners will dance sexy with people other than the person they are with. So when does sexy mean ‘not really sexy’ and when does it mean ‘sexy’. The last thing I want to do is have someone think I’m trying to come on to their girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever.

And of course, that’s on top of the nagging feeling from my past that dancing so provocatively is wrong in the first place. I was able to cross that line a little bit with my girlfriend because I knew it was welcome – I knew how the words would be translated. But when I’m out on the dance floor with others, I’m paralyzed into inaction by my lack of language proficiency. Sigh. Anybody got one of those ‘learn ___ in 30 days’ books for this situation?

Why is gender so vulnerable to threat?

Another camp inspired post...

On Wednesday, at Jamboree, several dozen men came traipsing down the hillside in drag, some realistic, some ridiculous. But all were unabashedly having fun. On Thursday they dressed in ladies pantsuits and on Saturday, many dressed up as some version of Barbie. And at various moments inbetween they played with gender expression and fashion.

More than that, they enthusiastically participated in dance workshops, made crafts, cooked and more. I found the experience of being among them absolutely delightful. And never did I question that they were men. In snippets of conversation I heard here and there, I discovered that most held regular and well-respected jobs as teachers and businessmen, etc.

Why did this surprise me? It comes down to my background, yet again. The men in the churches I was a part of would not have been caught dead in a dress. They’d stand by awkwardly while the women danced. And they’d do the heavy lifting while the women decorated or cooked. There were clear gender divides that were not crossed. It wasn’t as blatant as requiring women to wear skirts or restricting them to the role of homemaker, but it was there all the same. We were always scrambling for male volunteers and participants.

The thing is, I think this divide goes beyond the church. I think a great majority of straight men would find it debasing or at the very least, mildly embarrassing to cross the unspoken gender divide. They would feel threatened to wear a dress or dance in wild abandon. And I don’t understand why. Where is the threat? How does that make one any less a man? I understand that some cross-dressers are also transgender, but that is not always the case. And even so...who cares!

I then go on to puzzle about why gay men appear to have obtained a measure of freedom from such restrictions. Is it just because they already face stereotypes or discomfort caused by their sexuality and don’t care anymore? Or is it because they have a more strongly developed feminine side (I don’t know that I find this one sufficient to explain all cases)?

I’m sure there are those who have taken gender classes in university and could cite various theories that explain this phenomenon. I’m sure there are historical and perhaps even evolutionary explanations. I’d probably even be interested in some of them. But all I really want to do right now is say to all the men of the world “Get over yourselves and have some fun!”. Yay for all the brave and creative and amazing men I met at camp.

Is being naked inherently sexual?

I recently returned from an awesome week of camp with some genuinely delightful folks (if you have never heard of the Out and Out Club’s annual Jamboree, check it out here). I went with some apprehension, having been informed that the main dock was ‘clothing optional’. Due to my rather prudish upbringing, I feared I might find myself privy to blatant sexual activities or perpetually distracted by sexual imagery...or something.

I did indeed see more naked people than I have perhaps seen in the entirety of my life so far (excluding diaper changes). I saw naked men sunbathing, walking around, and gleefully slipping down a slide. I saw women sunbathing and swimming. (I did not manage to wake up early enough to observe, nor participate in, the daily group skinny dip).

But there was absolutely nothing sexual about it. It was natural and free – people simply enjoying the pleasure of their skin against air and sun and water without the barrier of fabric. After the first twinge or two of novelty wore off, there were times when I walked away from the dock realizing I hadn’t particularly noticed the nakedness at all.

As I ponder this, however, I wonder why it surprises me. After all, there are natural vs. sexual contrasts in other areas of life. One can dance in a friendly or a sexual way. Once can chat with another in a natural or a flirtatious way. It’s the attitude, not the clothing or lack thereof, that makes an action sexual. Of course that raises the fascinating question of what it is about our brains or physiology that can both recognize and produce such an attitude that can instantaneously change an innocent encounter into an arousing escapade. But that’s a bigger question than can be addressed here. There’s also the question of how conscious or unconscious such an attitude is - any times one party feels chemistry that the other is oblivious to. Fascinating mysteries.

I'm back

It’s been a long time. My apologies. I did the typical disappearing act following the establishment of a new relationship. It’s also been a stressful year and that can mess with my creativity. Unfortunately, my relationship ended (which I may talk about but only in the vaguest terms out of respect for the other person) and fortunately, I’ve recently had some creative inspiration. And thus, I am back with hopes to start regularly contributing to this blog again. No guarantees...but as always, you are welcome to join me on the journey.