Bathroom Dilemmas

So, it’s happened. I have joined the ranks of those who have a ‘you’re in the wrong bathroom’ story to share. I experienced a few such incidents as a teenager, but then I feminized myself and the problem went away. But now it’s back.

I had kind of mentally prepared myself for it happening. I’d read about the anxiety some more butch appearing folks experience when using a public washroom and intellectually realized that would probably happen to me as I took on a more masculine appearance. But the reality of it doesn’t actually hit you until it is happening.

The first incident was just over a week ago. I was heading down the stairs at a McDonald’s. A gentleman was following me. At the bottom, we split off, him towards the men’s washroom and me towards the women’s. He piped up, saying “Umm…wrong room.” This was immediately reiterated by a woman who was just exiting the ladies room. I assured them I was heading into the right place but I’m not sure they were convinced.

Then, just a couple days ago, I wash washing my hands in another public restroom when a woman entered. She immediately froze in her tracks upon seeing me, looking puzzled and asked “Am I in the right place?” After a brief moment she corrected herself and apologized.

I had somehow thought that even if this happened to me, I wouldn’t let it bother me. But that was a naïve assumption. I’ve actually found myself feeling anxious when entering a public restroom, hoping no one else is there. Even tonight, I could hear someone in the next stall finishing up and I rushed washing my hands so I could exit the room before they came out and saw me.

I don’t think there’s an easy solution. I sympathize with those who are disconcerted by my presence. Honestly, I would be too if I saw another person as masculine looking as myself in the washroom. I think I’m aware of the issue enough that I’d more quickly correct myself and I certainly wouldn’t say anything, but I’m culturally conditioned enough that I think there would be an initial startled reaction.

What puzzles me is why we care so much that someone of a different gender is in ‘our’ bathroom? In women’s washrooms, everybody goes into a separate stall to do their business so even if a guy walked in, they wouldn’t see anything anyways. Why should a woman care if a man sees her washing her hands? I suppose it might be different if a woman walked into a guy’s washroom where there are urinals, but I haven’t experienced that (I understand it can be an even bigger issue for transgender folks who aren’t sure which restroom to use). The way I figure it, if you see someone in a public restroom that you think doesn’t belong, the likelihood that they are deliberately being perverted is very small and if they’ve accidentally chosen the wrong room, pointing it out will only embarrass them. So why not just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are in the right place. I guess I vote for unisex washrooms with stalls for everybody. Besides, wouldn’t mixing the long women’s lines and short men’s lines together make everything more efficient?