My age in queer years

I’ve been struggling a bit with my style lately, trying to figure out how masculine I want to dress, how to look dressier while feeling comfortable as who I am. I feel like my style has been evolving a bit over the last couple years and I can see it evolving more as I lose weight and fit into clothes that are perhaps more what I would actually like to wear.

It all makes me feel a bit unsettled. I should know who I am right? Flipping back and forth or moving along a sliding scale makes me seem undecided, fickle. How can I feel confident in how I present if I keep adjusting slightly? How can I attract a person who will like me for who I am if I’m not even quite sure who that is myself?

But then I started to think about how short a time I’ve been this. I remember when I first came out, I felt like a fourteen year old, exploring issues of identity and sexuality for the first time. I had many of what I called ‘teenage’ moments.

So if we consider that I came out just under 3 years ago, and if we place my ‘queer age’ at coming out as 14…then I am only almost 17 now. And what 17 year old has it all figured out. Typically it takes until one’s mid-twenties before one starts to solidify certain aspects of one’s style and identity. I certainly don’t want to take that long, but I should probably give myself a bit more grace as I figure it all out.