Am I proud to be a lesbian?

What does it mean, as an LGBTQ community to celebrate PRIDE? I’ve been struggling a bit with this idea. Am I proud that I’m a lesbian? If we truly believe that sexual orientation is not a choice, then that’s equivalent to saying that I’m proud of being right-handed. I’m sure that expressing pride in being a Caucasian would cause offense to some, and yet there are definitely Black pride movements. Has pride become synonymous with defiance again a majority? I’m guessing that is the way it is viewed most certainly by those outside the community, but likely also my many within it. Pride events seem designed to exaggerate our differences and even to push the boundaries of what defines us.

I fully support our right to hold such celebrations. I even think they are fun, perhaps a healthy way to blow off steam and to challenge some of the arbitrary lines of propriety that society has drawn. I believe they also serve an kind of desensitizing function in making our everyday selves seem much closer to normal in retrospect. But I still feel like there should be more to PRIDE than that – a pride that doesn’t have to be tinged with defiance; a pride that I can carry with me every day of the year.

So I started thinking about what it means to be proud of something...or more specifically, someone? If I say I am proud of a friend for example, it’s generally in reference to some accomplishment. I may be proud of her for acing a test or of him for facing a fear. Usually, the accomplishment in question involved overcoming some sort of obstacle. For instance, it would sound odd to claim you were proud of someone for, say, brushing their teeth. Unless, perhaps, that person had done so despite a phobia or a physical limitation.

There is another, more generic sense of pride. For example, parents are often proud of their kids. While this may be in relation to specific accomplishments, it can also just refer to a belief that their kids are awesome. Similarly, people are often proud of their country, proud to be a citizen. Again, this seems to stem from a much more general sense of “pleasure in” or “happiness with”.

Relating these definitions back to the LGBTQ community, I am both proud of our accomplishments and proud to belong to such an amazing group of people. While we have far to go, I am proud of the progress made towards recognition and equality in the last number of years. There are so many that have sacrificed to make this possible. And on an individual level, each person who has come out as a lesbian or gay or transgender, etc. has shown incredible courage and integrity. I am proud of the way in which each one has overcome the obstacles inherent in just being who they are. I am proud of the friends and family members who have allowed their views to be challenged and who have come to accept and support us. Given that these individuals of whom I am proud make up the community at large, I am proud to say I am one of you. We may not be a natural born family, but we have joined together to be a family nonetheless, a family to which I am happy to belong.

As a newbie, I’m still working on being comfortable with the ‘out-there’ kind of pride demonstrated in many official PRIDE events. But this other kind of pride – this I can carry without hesitation. I will be at my local pride events, perhaps the quiet one on the sidelines, but proud nonetheless – proud of each person there and proud to be a part.